Monday, June 08, 2015
She is turning toward you
against a dark background,
and a spray of flowers
near the garden window,
in a sunlit dress
of the bright eighteenth century,
light and cheerful and demurely
flirtatious
(her hand cupped as if beckoning)
as the enlightenment itself—
her face pale and quietly shining,
with its sweetly curved nose
and small lips that barely hide a little
pouty smile, tender and ironical—
as if she has just caught you staring at her
and is about to ask you, “So,
Mr. Ramsey,
am I about to become your next painting?”
And you are about to laugh out loud
and reach for your pencil
and say, “That’s it, that’s it, my darling! Don’t breathe,
don’t move!”
And you didn’t move,
and the painting held you
like a lover
and carried you
like a child,
down the broken path
between the rose bushes
and the hawthorns,
and the darkening country lanes,
and the gathering seasons,
past the withered garden
and the bitterness of love
and the gravestone in the churchyard corner
to a far country
in the sea-blown light
under other suns
and other skies.
Friday, May 29, 2015
The Glass Wing
heavy as a mountain
translucent as ice
broken from a great body
its feathers melting like snow
the shard of a hill
snapped from a potter’s hand
then laid in a box
on the prison island of birds
a vice of brightness
surrounded by broken windows
crowds of eyes of dust
the steel bones like fingers
opening from a clenched hand
it shimmers in the afternoon
the tremendous wing
o frozen dream of flight
o grave shoveled by the sun
for Ai Weiwei
The Beginning of Evening
When the northern sky grew pale
with the setting of the sun,
and one half of the sky
held the other in its hand,
and the western streets knew winter,
and the cities were as grass,
and you were here among the hidden
like a child among the lost,
still the quietness was there, still
the shadows closed the blinds,
still the door between the windows
opened to your small, cold hands,
till a drift of southern swallows
swept above the apple trees,
and you slept among the rushes
beneath wasps and flies and bees.
Monday, April 27, 2015
The Garden of Infinity
What
if the multiverse
is an infinite garden
is an infinite garden
with infinite universes
inside
it,
and each universe is a flower?
and each universe is a flower?
And
each universe
is
an infinite garden
with infinite galaxies
inside
it,
and each galaxy is a flower?
and each galaxy is a flower?
And
each galaxy
is
an infinite garden
with infinite stars
inside
it,
and each star is a flower?
and each star is a flower?
And
each star
is
an infinite garden
with infinite worlds
inside
it,
and each world is a flower?
and each world is a flower?
And
each world
is
an infinite garden
with infinite atoms
inside
it,
and each atom is a flower?
and each atom is a flower?
And
each atom
is
an infinite garden
with infinite quarks
inside
it,
and each quark is a flower?
and each quark is a flower?
And
each quark
is
an infinite garden
with infinite strings
inside
it,
and each string is a flower?
And each face
is an infinite garden
with infinite beauties
inside it,
and each of its beauties is a flower?
and each string is a flower?
And each face
is an infinite garden
with infinite beauties
inside it,
and each of its beauties is a flower?
And
each mind
is
an infinite garden
with infinite thoughts
inside
it,
and each of its thoughts is a flower?
and each of its thoughts is a flower?
And
each thought
is
an infinite garden
with
an infinite multiverse
inside
it,
and
every multiverse is a flower?
As
above, so below; as below, so above.
infinite,
infinite, infinite,
forever,
and forever, and forever?
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
The World in the Palm of Your Hand
The stain of the sun:
as my eyes opened
the light struck the clock –
a little plastic thing
with a face, round and plain,
given for Christmas by my closest
friend.
I moaned a little. “Mmm—let me
sleep a little longer….” It said a
minute
or two, not enough, before
seven.
There was nothing special about
the clock:
small, functional, foldable, accurate,
it could be slipped into a pocket
and carried
easily enough
to the farthest ends of the small
blue planet.
It had a delicate but curiously
penetrating alarm.
My friend had bought it at a
little store
in Chinatown from a teenage
gamine-like girl
named Mary Chew, who had a mole
on her chin, perfectly shaped eyes,
and a stutter.
Usually she worked only weekends,
but
that day had been the first of
winter vacation,
and she wanted to earn some extra money
to buy a motorcycle base-layer crew neck tee (a surprise)
for her 22-year-old boyfriend, Daniel Chan,
whom no one in her family liked.
“His family is not from Guangzhou,” her mother complained.
to buy a motorcycle base-layer crew neck tee (a surprise)
for her 22-year-old boyfriend, Daniel Chan,
whom no one in her family liked.
“His family is not from Guangzhou,” her mother complained.
Mary’s employer, Charles “Charlie”
Wang,
was a little wiry man, all abrupt
manner
to his workers, all unctuous simpering
for his customers. He usually
paced
the back of the store looking at
all
the clocks, but could never
remember the time.
He had purchased the clock
as part of a consignment from a
saleswoman
named Kelly Smithfield, a tall,
big redhead,
born in Modesto, a graduate of
Davis,
who had brought it in a case of
samples
she showed him one day at the end
of October
on a cold call at the Golden Mountain
Happy Clock Store.
Kelly was twenty-seven, vaguely
desperate –
she waved her hands a lot and
laughed too often –
still on probation with the
company,
she hadn’t sold a single clock
since August,
and nearly fell over when Charlie
Wang
bought her entire case. When Charlie
invited her to lunch at the Dragon
Palace of Dim Sum –
“You will love their chicken feet!”
– well, how could she refuse?
Kelly had been given the clock
by her assistant, Amanda Clark,
at the home office in Sacramento .
Amanda was twenty-three,
petite, blond, scattered,
with two years of community
college
and aspirations to become a real
estate agent,
though she was afraid she may have
missed
the height of the market
by a decade or two.
Amanda had gotten the clock
in a case with other clocks –
small-traveling, silent-alarm, valedictory,
vanity-table,
of all shapes and designs, from
the plainest, like mine,
to luxury, to joke and variety
designs:
Dooby-Doo, Bart Simpson, Princess
Elsa, Shrek –
a case she had gotten
from the office delivery clerk,
Steve Butts,
a middle-aged man who had been
downsized
by a local insurance company at
the age of 55
and was taken in out of compassion
by the office manager, who knew
him
during his glory years as a claims
adjuster.
Steve had gotten the case from a
warehouse clerk,
José Parra, thirty-two,
prematurely balding,
undocumented, who lived in a
trailer park
with several men from his village
in Guatemala .
He sent half his minimum wage to
his family
and sold clocks he had filched
from the warehouse
late at night on eBay.
A young warehouse worker named
Minh Vuh,
a Vietnamese whose parents had
been boat people
when they were children, had
placed the clock
carefully in the case, with a
handful of confetti. Minh
was engaged to a sweet young Laotian
who lived three blocks from his
family home.
Their parents were not too happy
about that,
so they had to meet secretly after
school
and on his work breaks when she
was in the neighborhood.
It all felt very romantic. “Like
Romeo and Juliet!”
his girlfriend said, giggling.
Minh kissed her on her tiny nose.
Minh didn’t remember (he had no
reason to), but
he had put that very clock on the
second shelf from the top in
column 37 of aisle C
last September
after receiving it in a shipment
of similar clocks
off a truck driven by an ageing
Filipino
named “Jack” (he had rejected his
original name when a young man –
he said he wanted to be “100%
American!”
and that meant having a name like
Bob or Joe or Bill,
and he thought “Jack” sounded sexy
and macho).
Jack had picked up the shipment
from a Sacramento
wharf
where it had been unpacked from a
container
by a young African-American
named Obadiah Washington ,
who was in fact a rap artist (the
day job was a secret)
and performed at local clubs at
night under the name
Dr. Sling.
The container had been hauled off
the ship Flower of Seoul
by Ted Anderson, of old Swedish
stock, on his last day
before retiring. The container was
his last but one.
When he hauled the final container
of his career,
his fellow longshoremen smashed a
champagne bottle against it
and made a party of it for the
next hour on the wharf.
The container with the clocks
inside got a splash of the champagne,
but was otherwise undamaged by the
festivities.
The Flower of Seoul had carried the container
across the Pacific the week
before.
The ship was manned by a small
crew,
most of them young Indonesians,
and piloted
by a Taiwanese captain named
Jiang-Ji Li,
forty-five, with a family of six
girls at home
and a nagging wife who made the
boredom of sea life
seem like an endless vacation by
contrast.
Getting his girls married,
however,
was another matter: the eldest
had been poisoned by “women’s
liberation”
(as he still called it) and wanted
to become a captain
like her father. Why couldn’t she
have been a boy?
These thoughts had made the
crossing
an onerous one for Captain Li,
especially the prospect of going
back:
the Flower of Seoul would be making a week-long stop,
after picking up timber in Portland ,
at Taipei .
The clock had sat for the entire
trip,
unseen in its dark container,
its hands set at the traditional
10:10.
In the port city of Busan , South
Korea ,
the container with my clock in it
(though, of course, it was not yet
my clock –
would it ever be, really? Is
ownership
of anything, let alone a clock,
time’s strict and impartial
measurer,
by a limited and mortal being like
man
even possible? That is a delicate
philosophical question
that we can not, alas, pursue
here),
that container had been placed on
the deck
of the Flower of Seoul
with two dozen other similar containers
of different colors and sidings –
some corrugated, some smooth –
with the result that the ship
looked like a father
so overburdened with packages
he was likely to fall down,
by a longshoreman named Kim
Dong-hyun,
twenty-eight (a little fat fellow
who loved dakon kim-chi so much
his mother gave him a case every
year
for Gujeong),
using a crane
to lift it from a semi driven by a
driver
named Kim Ji-hoon (no relation), a
tall, skinny fellow
of thirty-three,
who still lived with his parents
and played computer games on the
weekends,
driving his mother to despair
about ever having
grandchildren.
He had driven the truck
from a small factory outside Seoul ,
where he had stopped by for the
clock consignment,
up near the border
(it was a long drive not helped
by the bad heat wave and the
endless traffic –
the highway was becoming a
continuous traffic jam,
but no one in Seoul wanted to pay for improvements,
so Ji-hoon just growled and
daydreamed about the next version
of WarCraft, supposed to be coming
out in August).
A young woman – a sixteen-year-old
named Song-hi
with long hair and fat cheeks and
a pert expression –
had packed the clock in the
consignment box
after taking it from the end of
the assembly line
where it had been checked for
quality by a grim matron
named Yun, who had a drunken
husband,
two ungrateful children and a
spoiled cat,
the only creature in the world she
felt understood her.
The clock had been assembled
by half a dozen other girls, all
wearing the same uniform.
Chimin, whose face was a perfectly
flat oval
and always rode her bike to work,
added the swivel stands to the
clocks.
Soyon, who was always sad
and never talked about her home
life,
put in the inner workings of the
clocks
and the battery receivers:
the little drawer that poked out
of
the clock’s plastic case.
Subin, who liked to clown and make
practical jokes,
attached the minute and hour
hands, and “sweeps”
(i.e., second hands), when they
had them, to the clocks.
Hayun, who was very tall and very
proud
(actually, her unusual height made
her painfully self-conscious),
added the white face to each
clock. Once,
she had been so distracted,
she had put the faces in upside
down
for more than 20 clocks.
Nobody down the line noticed until
Mrs. Yun, of quality control,
saw them and had a meltdown,
and threatened to fire everybody.
That was a bad day for Hayun!
Chi’u, who was so short she
Chi’u, who was so short she
disappeared under the assembly
line
when she stepped off her stool,
put in the oscillating mechanism
that ran the clock.
Hyechin, who, for some reason,
no one liked and everyone made fun
of,
put in the alarm.
The girls got the parts from the
other side of the factory,
where they were made by two men and
a woman:
Chunyong, fifty-five, who dyed his
hair,
was the lead craftsman
amd made the clock oscillators.
Songmin, his first assistant,
a stiff young man – the first of
his family
not to have to work in the fields –
crafted the cases.
Yuchin was the first woman in the
factory
to have made it into “craft”: she
had a small tattoo
of a periwinkle on her left inner wrist,
and was considered quite wild,
but that was all right by
Chunyong,
her manager,
because she was so talented.
She crafted the clock faces,
arms and sweeps,
based on her own designs.
(These were first OK’d by upper management,
of course –
that was one of the reasons they
had hired her:
design and craft in one person,
with only one salary!
The clocks sold consistently, especially
in the American market,
so “UM” was content.)
Songmin and Yuchin got the
polystyrene they used
from bins of plastic parts
that had been delivered by
Kwon Young-sik, who had only one
eye,
from a bad accident on his last
delivery job (it had not been his
fault;
he had left because he thought that
it would bring even worse bad luck,
after his accident, to stay).
The parts had been made in the big
National Plastic Co. Ltd. plant
on the other side of Seoul .
Much of the plastic was recycled
from toys, hardware tools, and
other clocks.
Chunyong had gotten the quartz for
the
oscillator crystal that runs my
clock
(I guess I can call it mine, now)
from a bin where the crystals were
packed
in small boxes
after delivery by Park Ye-jun,
a short, fiery man with bad breath
(he lived on garlic for breakfast,
lunch and dinner),
from the mines of Tae Wha,
near Chungju, half way between Seoul and Busan.
The quartz from which the
mechanism of my clock was made
had been mined from the earth
there
by a very young man named Ahn
Min-kyu,
eighteen years old, just out of
school.
His family had been fishermen from
time immemorial,
and he had planned on being a
fisherman too,
when the fish stocks of his
seashore village
disappeared one day –
it was thought because of
pollution from the North –
so he had to change plans and,
instead of probing the ocean
for a living, probed the earth, as
there were jobs
at the booming Tae Wha Mine.
So he left his village
and went to Chungju
and learned to dig the earth
for minerals. Then one day,
in a poorly lit tunnel,
smelling of sulfur and damp,
he dug out, with his pick
(the machinery was down, as so
often),
a clump of quartz – several
million years old,
formed by magma thrusting
from deep within the earth –
the mine was along the rim of fire
that followed
the edge of the northern Pacific
from America to Asia,
and made volcanoes erupt
and quakes shake the earth
(a smaller quake had woken me
not long after I was given the
clock) –
a clump of quartz that had been deposited
in milky white crystals
with other rocks, from fire and
river and wind,
in the dark earth.
He placed it, using his shovel,
into the cart,
and the cart rolled away to the
surface
and the sunlight,
then he turned back to the wall of
rock
with his pick, and swung.
And that is the list of people to
whom I am indebted
for the appearance on my bed table
of the little alarm clock.
The list could go on –
there is really no reason to stop
here:
What about the parents, and the
grandparents, on and on,
of all those people who at one
point or another
touched or handled or carried the
clock, or
what would later become the clock?
What about their siblings, uncles,
aunts,
cousins, teachers, friends?
What about the original inventor
of the very first clock?
And who, or what, invented him?
One could go on and on. And on and
on,
without end.
And that is just for the clock I
looked at
when I woke up that morning.
What if I had to do the same thing
for everything else in my life?
The mind suddenly flies off
like a flock of astonished crows,
shredding the air . . .
I woke.
It was the alarm
shrieking
“get up! get up! get up!”
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Modernity Is Catastrophe
He
woke in the middle of a nightmare.
The
terror lay in his room
like
the body of a dead animal
covered
with flies. Its teeth
shone
in the grass.
A French soldier,
half-asleep above the stove of a peasant,
turned,
restless with insomnia from his problem:
“What
can I know, if anything?”
He
knew he could doubt; besides
that,
could he know anything at all?
could he know anything at all?
A
man raised a tube in Italy
with
curious lenses toward the night.
The
moon bowed its face toward him.
“What
will I see there, if anything?”
To his eye he put the tube and squinted.
“Cara luna, will
I see anything at all?”
An
Englishman sat carefully writing
a
work of indisputable logic
through
the night. He raised his eyes, reflected:
“What
can a man do, if anything?”
In the darkness he heard someone whisper:
“What
if he can do anything at all?”
A
gentleman in Paris totted up figures
in
two columns on a smooth surface of calf-skin:
“What
can I make, if anything?”
He
counted again: the numbers added up, beautifully.
His
fingers grasped the quill so hard it split.
“I
can make more. What if I can make it all?”
It
was nearing midnight in Europe.
A
messenger was crossing the mountains,
taking
an urgent notice between sovereigns
who
had never met face to face.
Nearing the summit, he stumbled,
his
boot dislodging a stone
that
fell, gathering stones as it went
in
a wind of rocks, trees, snow,
collapsing across the valley
collapsing across the valley
in
an avalanche, burying it all.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Love, Faith and Science
The headline read in this morning’s Times:
“There Is No Such Thing as Love.”
It had been scientifically proven.
The selfish gene would not have it.
There was lust,
exquisite as acid on gold.
There was even a lazy pleasure
in a certain body’s company
when it didn’t outstay its welcome.
There was the excitement of imposing one’s obstreperous ego
on another body and mind
and the exquisite satisfaction in inhabiting
another person’s soul:
what else were the joys of tyranny
and art’s wanton thrill?
All of this was adaptive, said the reporter,
quoting a faceless biologist.
“There Is No Such Thing as Love.”
It had been scientifically proven.
The selfish gene would not have it.
There was lust,
exquisite as acid on gold.
There was even a lazy pleasure
in a certain body’s company
when it didn’t outstay its welcome.
There was the excitement of imposing one’s obstreperous ego
on another body and mind
and the exquisite satisfaction in inhabiting
another person’s soul:
what else were the joys of tyranny
and art’s wanton thrill?
All of this was adaptive, said the reporter,
quoting a faceless biologist.
And then, of course, there is habit:
the familiar shadow
against the corridor wall,
the silhouette in the garden,
the footfall in the living room,
the musky smell in the sheets.
This reinforces the survival of the species,
and thus of the monster twined in the chromosome
like the Minotaur in his labyrinth.
There is the notorious obsession,
the adolescent psychosis,
that makes life seem a glory,
ineffable, sublime,
with all its suffering meaningful,
and all its emptiness a garden
of almost unbearable enchantment,
and for a brief hour,
the long humiliation of human life
seems actually worth the time.
But even the scientists quoted in the Times
were not yet certain
how something so clearly maladaptive
ever survived natural selection.
(My own, completely unscientific, theory
is that no completely rational species
would ever reproduce
in the prison of matter and time
we call the universe,
so, to be induced to replicate,
we need to go out of our minds.
But I am no biologist.)
the adolescent psychosis,
that makes life seem a glory,
ineffable, sublime,
with all its suffering meaningful,
and all its emptiness a garden
of almost unbearable enchantment,
and for a brief hour,
the long humiliation of human life
seems actually worth the time.
But even the scientists quoted in the Times
were not yet certain
how something so clearly maladaptive
ever survived natural selection.
(My own, completely unscientific, theory
is that no completely rational species
would ever reproduce
in the prison of matter and time
we call the universe,
so, to be induced to replicate,
we need to go out of our minds.
But I am no biologist.)
And this brings us to the question
that might make an interesting debate for us here
when I have stopped writing and you have stopped reading:
Is human life worth living
if there is no such thing as love,
as the biologist claimed to have just proven scientifically—
if the human race is not (let’s face it) all that lovable
after the first years of childhood,
and there is nothing but dust, gas, stones,
whirling energetically in a space that is
incalculably vast and essentially dark?
(Scientists proved that a very long time ago – see Lucretius.)
No love—and no intelligence either,
since we are blocked from reality by our very minds
(this was also proven by scientists quite recently,
though they didn’t seem to realize
this obviates, renders null and void,
this and all of their other claims: they’re just
deluded fools like the rest of us!).
We are condemned to live in cages
of darkness and ignorance and pain,
mocked and terrified by our own delusions
from the cradle to the office to the hospice to the grave.
Neither love, then, nor faith, nor science,
those tawdry shadows of God,
to console us or to save us—
so, what are we to do?
I told all this to an atheist friend over a beer,
my dark little thread of speculation
(the newspaper I had spread on the bar between us),
to join me in an interesting debate
that might further our mutual enlightenment.
I thought he would appreciate the logic,
so elegant and simple and clear,
that I had spun from the pages of the Times,
the liberal’s bible, the secularist’s book.
But his eyes burned with a fury,
and I thought he would burn me at the stake.
so elegant and simple and clear,
that I had spun from the pages of the Times,
the liberal’s bible, the secularist’s book.
But his eyes burned with a fury,
and I thought he would burn me at the stake.
Friday, March 13, 2015
A Refusal to Mourn the Death by Gunfire of Five Cartoonists and Seven Others at Charlie Hebdo, in Paris, January 7, 2015
We
shall not weep, shall not rage, shall not lament—
we
shall laugh, and not a bitter laugh,
a
laugh from the belly, a loud and giddy
laugh that knows no bounds,
laugh that knows no bounds,
splits
our sides, shakes us like jelly,
makes
us dizzy, gasp for air,
a laugh that almost makes us want to die--
but
we don't die of it,
we live because of it,
we live because of it,
we
live in the heart, on the waves of this laughter,
we laugh - chuckle - chortle - giggle - hell we can’t
stop it – STOP IT!
Nope! We soar across the sky, like shrimp shooting backwards,
airborne on shrieks,
hysterical as angels
laughing at those poor devils
we laugh - chuckle - chortle - giggle - hell we can’t
stop it – STOP IT!
Nope! We soar across the sky, like shrimp shooting backwards,
airborne on shrieks,
hysterical as angels
laughing at those poor devils
who
don’t know how to laugh for the sheer cracked fun of it
and
never could take a joke,
who
turn everything into anger and hatred,
into
spite and resentment, who poison life with their hatred,
who
are messengers of death, bringers of death
with
their terrible pride and hatred and anger,
their
refusal to look in the mirror and giggle,
because
life and love are wonderfully absurd,
but
there is nothing more absurd than death,
and
nothing more stupid, beside the point, ridiculous
than
murder and its bloodthirsty family, battle and war:
they
cannot laugh, so they must kill,
they
will never know that laughter is love of life,
is
life itself, and whenever we laugh, life
triumphs.
No:
we
shall not weep, we shall not rage, we shall not lament—
we
shall laugh like the angels as they welcome these twelve into paradise.
That
deep thunderous sound (do you hear it,
shaking things up in the background?)
is
the Old Man undergoing the tickling treatment—
first
a grin, then a giggle, then a chuckle, then a chortle,
then
a titter, a guffaw, wheeze, sneeze and the bees’ knees –
it’s
a hurricane, it’s a typhoon:
hold
on to your hats, ladies!
hold
on to your heads, gents!
Those
guys must’ve just shown him that cartoon
where
God’s in a bar, saying to the barkeep,
“Technology!
I keep saying, ‘Fiat lux, fiat lux,’
and
the goddamn light won’t go on!”